i am a stay at home parent. my work never stops. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, i am my children mother, even when they are at school or away from me. they are still in my heart. i had not planed on telling a meaningful time in my “work” because, really, how cliche’… talking about motherhood.
I was going to talk about my dad and my grandpa who were union men till their deaths. Grandpa continued to pay his dues for years after he retired. In my house the 11 commandment was “Thou shall not cross picket lines, ever.” If dad had bumper stickers (he did not believe in them, no I have no idea why) next to “If I knew grand kids were this much fun I would have had the first,” would be the sticker Live Better, Work Union. I wish Stay at home parents had a union, can you imagine? It would be the end of days
But something happened last week and this, that was so profound, so scary, and beautiful. and powerful that I must share it with you.
it was on a hot summer afternoon when I was informed that O in the Buddhas class told her daughter, that TB was gay. she says she received an email from me telling her that. she says that their family is very LGBTQ affirming so telling her 12-year-old was no big deal.
i never sent an email stating that TB was gay, nor would i ,ever out any one, especially my own child. and for the record TB is straight, he came out to me as straight a few months ago, so it will be missing i have a gay son badge of honour on my socialist girl scout uniform,..
but we still have a chance for Bi-Racial grand babies
there is so much about this whole thing that is wrong, in every way
what mother does that? not question the email? not call me to ask what the hell are you thinking sending an email out like this? and then without any hesitation, tell her teenage daughter?
the rumour got around fast, kids talk you know, i do not blame TB’s class mate for sharing it. in fact, when her mother said that to her the daughter told her mom that she did not think that was true. but kids talk, hell, everyone talks! even if it is just to process the information. at some point, another child told her mother about the rumour, and that mother called me right away. it took several days to find ground zero. N, ( who TB teacher) and i spent the week looking for clues, asking lots of questions, and trying to keep it from TB. and i spent a great deal of time on my knees begging g*d to take it all way. to be honest i was a real mess. so afraid for my son, that i had looked in to other schools.
something so wonderful happened. without exception TB’s class mates said to their teacher, something to the effect “well we know it’s not true, and even if it was who cares?’
what a remarkable group of youth we have in the class. the idea that they had a classmate was worth talking about, but the IDEA the Truth of it was,
so what? who cares?
N. and i decided to tell TB what was going on,
we wanted him decide what to do about it.
when N, told him. he said. “oh i know that N, told me that A told him” he went on “n” told him to shut the (insert colourful metaphor here) and “that it was not true”
As we sat in his class room we asked TB, are you okay? TB said “well yeah, “eye roll”. it is not true, and so what if it was? who cares?”
We asked him if it would be okay to send out and email telling everyone it is not true, and i told him that i never sent out any email like that. he said yes, and i did send out an email telling the truth later that night, N asked so B, what if someone calls you a fag or something?
TB, said, ” i will tell then to insert “colourful metaphor ” off and say that is not true and even if it were, who the colourful metaphor” cares?”
ah, he is my son after all. he has a mouth like his momma.
N and i held our smiles and she said that’s fine, and if that happens, please go to her and tell her right away.
Later ground zero spoke to TB and he forgave her.
he forgave her.
i have known since the day he was born that he would change the world. and touch the souls of people. this week he touched my soul. he touched ground zeros soul. he touched N’s soul. the meaning full moment in my work life is i made that remarkable kid. with some help of course! this congregation made him. he classmates made him, his 100-year-old soul just protected him, i guess.
that was the most meaningful time in my working life.
i am an mother, i am a good enough mother, who without knowing grew this amazing, remarkable, magnificent, person.
and wow. G*d trusted me to grow this person.
he is strong in his spirit, he knows who he is. knows some secret that i do not know. maybe someday he will tell me.
and that my dear family in faith,
is the most meaningful time in my work.
amen, ashe and blessed be.