I was going to share this during my sermon. But it became clear to me that it was not the right place or time. So here it is. My blog I can post what ever the hell I want right? Right!
When the Rockstar. was born, I suffered a traumatic birth injury. I do not remember the night, what I know I have been told.
I remember that when I felt ready to push, we were watching ER. Remember ER? Anyway, my friend was gunna turn it off, and I said NO I wanna see what happens. So we leave it on. The next thing I remember, it was 1:15 am and my dr. had her foot on the bed and was pulling as hard as she could. She fell back and SPLAT blood every where! So then she said. DONE. Lets go. And we went in to the OR. Rockstar was a crash c-section, the kind where they run, not walk you in to the OR. My Dr, got him out in less then 2 minutes.
Later that night, I was in recovery. I told the nurse, “hay I do not feel so good” nurse came over to me and his face turned white.
The next thing I knew, I was back in the OR with a ruptured uterine artery, the dr was able to save my uterus but just barely. I spent a couple nights in ICU and got 6 or 7 units of blood, basically an oil change. My doctor said when she got back inside me, that she would stitch and I would gush, stitch and gush. When she was done my uterus was a mangled mess. Think about bunch of tanged wool yarn that has been washed, so it is all felted. There is no way at that point to untangle the mess. We were not sure I could have any more children.
The best part of the whole thing? Other then getting a really cool kid? My mother coming into the ICU and YELLING. at me to “never ever do this to me again!”
but that is a different blog post. On forgiveness.
Fast forward a year, maybe 18 months and I tell the head. I want another one. There was an empty space in the car. At the table, in house. And one in my heart. We began to try. It is important for me to tell you that I got pregnant before when the head sneezed in the other room.
When I did not get pg. After 6 months, we went to one of the best fertilely Dr’s. in Orange county. And he specialized in secondary infertility after a a bunch of tests he meet us in his office and told us.
You will never get pg with out help.
I can get you pregnant.
I can not keep you pregnant.
and I can not keep you alive though out the pregnancy.
Fast forwarded 5 years. The Rockstar was in kindergarten. Buddha was in 2ed grade. I was introduced to the miracle that is that moment when every mother sees that see was more and could be more than a mother. I was loving my life, I was working out side of the home part time. Reading books. The kind with out pictures!! and on my desk was the application for the Claremont school of theology. My plan was to become a Chaplin, I wanted to minister and still do in prison hospice.
One night, the head noticed a how can I put this? A certain attribute that happens to woman when they are pregnant. If ya know what I mean, my TATAs were HUGE. So I did what any normal woman would do: I drove to the 99 cent store and bought 12 pregnancy tests. I peed on 6. they all said pregnant.
The next day I went to my PCP who sent me that very moment to get an ultra sound as the risk of this being a ectopic or tubal was very high. What we saw was an 8 week 4 day fetus. Heart beat and all. Right in the spot where it should be. Test later confirmed that the baby had all the stuff and no extra stuff and was a girl.
I was scared to tell my mother, (remember how she was when I was in ICU?) I waited to tell my parents till after we knew we were okay. my sister was the only one who knew other then me and Head. So I call.
BTW my dad was in hospice at this point.
And dad answers; praise the lord.
I got something to tell you
I am pregnant, I am fine, it is a healthy girl.
Not missing a beat:
Do you want me to tell your mother? Cuz she wont hit a dying man.
Yes, you are my hero.
God be with you
and also with you.
She called hours later. And she was not happy. What ever. Forgiveness blog post….
For the next 7 months I was at the pari-natoligist every two weeks. It should be noted that at every appt. the doctors appointments the nurse would ask how are your kick counts? And I would say. Uh I do not have to do kick counts,
(and I am sure you will all be just flabbergasted at this) she never stopped moving. Never. Stopped. Moving.
When I was at 35 weeks and a few days, she stopped moving. So I called and went in for a non stress test. The baby and I were fine, but they told me to come back the next morning if I still felt like something was wrong. And I did, it was a Friday morning. my Dr said. “ we are going to have baby today”
Plans were made for the boys. The Head left work, my bff come, as did my mother and sister. and we waited. Daddy had died in May. He never met her this side of the rainbow bridge our family calls it. Once a woman said that daddy not only held her long before I did. But that he brought her to me.
It was while we waited that it occurred to me to give Princess pantilette another middle name Joelle’ Daddy’s middle name was Joel.
We had a nice mellow C-sec. No drama. I did confess to eating brie’, salami, and drinking red wine and beer. Guinness is high in iron, dontja know. I also tried to get them to tie my tubes, or even take it out. I knew ( still know) that we were done. No more babies. But they could not cuz it was a Catholic Hospital. In fact there was a photo of the pope ( John Paul the II) so there was no way….hay I tried.
Miracle number 2
When they got to my uterus. They saw a completely healthy one. They could not even find the scare tissue from the last c-sec. Let alone any other scar tissue from the other surgery.
Miracle number 3
Ad it tuned out PP cord had wrapped around her neck like a noose, had I not followed my gut, she would not have lived another day or two.
The thing about babies born at 35/36. about half are just fine and can stay with mom, the other half get sick; that was our PP she spent several days in the NICU. She was the healthiest biggest baby in there. She was hypoglycemic and hypothermia. Her neighbour was a little boys born at 25 weeks. We knew we were so blessed.
The night I gave birth and C-Sec is giving birth. I pumped several ounces of breast milk! she did not have to have supplemental formula. It usually takes a day or two for mommas milk to come in. but mine came in with-in hours. The nurse even came in to ask me if my friends were bringing the breast milk…funny we had that in place if needed. And the most wonderful thing? My milk was high in the sugar she needed to keep hers up and keep her warm. I only had to be away from her one night, and even then I went home to be with the boys.
But wait! there is more!
Last year I had an endometrial ablation, that is when the limning of the uterus is burned off. Usually for excessive bleeding.
It took longer for the Doctor’s to do it because my uterus so scared up from my previous surgeries, that they had to change technique. Miracle indeed.
There may very well be a scientific explanation of why my uterus spontaneous;y healed then, was not. I do not know and the truth is it doesn’t matter. So these are the stories. I have one for the Buddha I will post that later. Like I said in my sermon, I really believe in miracles. They happen and not just for the “faithful” they are for everyone. And I do not know if we all get big ones. I did. We did. And I thank the Divine every day for both, well all three really.
Even when they are are a PITA.