The truth is that I do not like this “holiday.” it was invented by a card company. Fuck you Hallmark, you suck. The other truth is this day does not make me feel better.
I am reminded of all the mothers with empty arms today. I am reminded of mothers whose children are dead, from war, famine, drugs, SIDS, neighborhood warfare, and cancer. The list goes on and on.
I am reminded of the mother who arms are empty because of broken wombs. I am reminded of the mothers of children of special needs. whose dreams for their child is changed from success in college and careers to who will care for my child when I am gone?
I am reminded of woman like Desiree Young, whose son Kyon has been missing since June 4 2010.
Guess how many children are missing as I write this post? National Crime Information Center’s Missing Person File each year. In 2011 more than 550,000 entries were made by law enforcement for those younger than 21. the FBI says “ As of December 31, 2011, NCIC contained 85,158 active missing person records. Juveniles under the age of 18 account for 37,371 (43.9 %) of the records and 9,832 (11.5 %) were for juveniles between the ages of 18 and 20”
a lot of empty arms today. Every day.
I am reminded of the mothers for whom mothering is a chore. Mothers who did not want to be a mother, like my own mother. Who hated mothering. And would let us know that many times a week.
Mothers day for me is bittersweet, my mother sucked at mothering. She sucked at it till the day she died. This mothers day was the first one since mom died. On Wednesday I remembered that I had ordered her an edible arrangement. I got a great deal on it and when I said to the lady that I was ordering it from that it was for my dyeing mother, she made sure it got to her that day. That was nice.
So today I did not have anyone to call. And in truth, I did not really care. She is gone. She did not like me or my sister. She did not like being a mother. If she could have done it over again, she would not have done it over again.
to be cont.