Ken Part Two

On the day that we last saw Ken, I asked him what he would like us to name our next son.

You see, I would have named our son Kenneth or or a daughter Kennina.

But. I was once engaged to a guy named Ken. And he broke my heart and well, no freecken way was I gunna live with a Ken, and Ken’s middle name is our last name, so clearly that would not work.

Anyway, I was all ready to name our next son, ( somehow I knew we would have another boy) what he told me too

He said.

Nicholas Alexander”.

I told him that we would name our son that.

And we sort of did. The Rock Star is named for Ken.

But, later we found out that Nicolas Alexander was the name Kathy had always wanted to name HER son. She had always wanted to name a boy that!

It was HER name not Ken’s!

Anyway, we did use a variant of that same and the Rock Star knows all about Ken and what he meant to our family

Not long after he died, I was in my bathroom brushing my teeth, and I saw him right behind me, he touched my shoulder.

I Felt it.

And he visited another one of our friends also.

He sat on the edge of her bed!

It took a while before he showed himself to Kathy.

I am sure that he did visit her.


She just was not ready to see him

She did see him eventually

I was comforted when I saw and felt Ken.

It seemed so normal for him to stop by and say

Hello, Rikki!”

He came only a few times, maybe 3.


That brought comfort also.

Because I knew then that

He was with his g*d

I loved knowing he had moved on.

It was nice knowing he was in a nice




The Land of Apples.



Whatever you call it.

He had crossed over.

And I knew:

He was whole







A few years ago

Kathy  married  one of Kens best friends.

They have twin boys!

They are very happy.


I Know That

Ken is happy for her.

And so am I.

A prayer:

Spirit of life, Holy One,

Divine Love known by many names
And no name, One who is not bound by
Gender or form or ethnicity
Or even by human perception


I am so grateful that

Ken was in my life.

Even for a short time.

While I hate that young people

Die of cancer.

Or anyone for that matter


He did fight the good fight

And when he was done

You took him home

Where he was


That, I know, is a good thing, g*d

But still:

We prayed for healing

We begged you to heal him.

So many of us did.

And you said


When he died, G*d

I was really pissed off

at you!

I mean really?


It was like you were


No, none of you people
are good enough for
me to hear YOU!
Sinful fuckers!”

I was sure that you
Felt that way about
Us, cuz it hardly ever
Seemed that he
Even had any Healing.

I felt, G*d

Like you were ignoring



All of us.

It was not fair

Not one fucking bit.

It really wasn’t

Ya know, G*d?

I did not understand then

What your plan was.

Though I am sure if we

Had met for a cup
And you had told me
Your plan I would have

Told you to

Shove it.

I know now

That sometimes
Things happen
For no reason

At all

Let alone for



It just is.

And, as I get

Older that becomes
More ok with me.
Now, when I look back

I can smile.

And even


Thank you

For giving him to us.
I still think that cancer

Is totality

Fucked up.

But I do not

Blame you, G*d.

I know that even the
Last ten years so much has
Changed. there has been a
Great deal of progress made in the fight

Against cancer.

I know you hand a hand in

That. So for that, I thank you.

May there be healing.

May there be peace

And whether or

Not it is on

This side

Of the



With you.

Help us be ok with that.

May it be so




2 thoughts on “Ken Part Two

  1. I got spoiled… Ken visited often after he left this planet. For a long time. I used to see him in my my front yard pretty much every day – not a full facial view; I would just catch sight of him out of the corner of my eye. Months after he left, I was trying to make a Faire costume for Draegen (a baby) with fabric he had left to me. I am no pattern maker and a very “basic” seamstress. I was sitting here, late at night, deep into my cup, yelling, “Goddammit, Ken! You left me all these materials and no knowledge!” Somehow, the next day, when I awoke, I had a full costume for my kid – two pair of pants and a double-sided jerkin. I have since tried to recreate what I did that night, but have been unable to do so. It made me sad when he stopped appearing…
    Fucking cancer… I hate it. But I cherish every moment I got to spend with Ken, both on this earth and elsewhere.


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