an open letter to my childen

Hi Blog readers! I wrote a letter like this to a young friend who had a new boyfriend and the sex issue came up. I have re-written it for all my children. If you like it you can give it to your kids also…
and yes…I know that my 11, 9 and almost 3 year old wont have sex for a long time and no, I am not giving it to them now…it is for someday. And hay! If I forgot something feel free to add it on the comments.

Dear Children,

I love you so much! I am so glad you have chosen to be my children.

I am so blessed to have you entrusted in my care.

I am going to share my heart with you.

Please read the whole letter. For me. OK?

Read with an open mind and heart and spirit.

I have been thinking about the the first time you fall in love.

I know that now, you can not imagine that, but it will and it should happen.

Being in love for the first time is wonderful. I would get this feeling in the back of my throat when I was going to see my first high school love.

I had that same feeling when I meet your dad!

I still do!

I would not want you to miss out on having this experience!

It is beautiful.

And fun

And scary

And warm

And wonderful!

All at the same time.

And, It can be confusing as hell.

When you fall in love, you will have these feeling that will seem so strong you can not control them.

But dear ones, you can.


Some of the feelings will make want to have sex with this person.

I get that, I really do.

Cuz guess what?

I have been there and done that.

But having said that, I am going to ask you to do something.

I really want to ask you to wait.


Your virginity,and this is true for both girls and boys

Is the one thing you can never, ever take back.

Once you have given it

It. Is. Gone.


I know hard hard it is to love someone so much you are about to burst.

I know how good it feels to be in his/her arms.
I know how good it feels to kiss them!


Love making.
True love making
The kind that is
Not guilt or fear producing.

Happens only with maturity.

And that my dears only comes with time

And in that time, I want you

To have grown spiritually

And emotionally

And physically,

I want you to have learned how to be SAFE.

We are young for such a short time.

We are grown ups a lot longer than we are young.
And you will have time for love making, lots of time.

And yes my hope is that you experience lots of love with different people.

I think that we learn about ourselves with every person we love. Some good stuff, some not so good.

And my wish for you, is that when you do give your self to someone, you know your self very well.

And that You have no fear or doubts about what is going to happen.

When you make love for the first time I want some things for you;

That you will be in a nice place,


That there has been romance lots of romance.

That you have the time to really enjoy each other, fully completely that foreplay ( the part before intercourse) takes a good long time.

For my daughters:
I want you to have an orgasm!I want you to not be scared, or have worries that you might get pregnant, or get caught because you already have protection. Right? Right!

I want you to be protected from STD’s and pregnancy…it can and has happened on the first time.

I want you to feel safe with this person because you know without a shadow of a doubt, that he cares for you and wants to please YOU.

So you must have protection for both pregnancy and STD’s

This is YOUR job.
It is your responsibility to protect your self.

For My Sons,
I want you to have given thought to this person and how to please her. I want for you not to be afraid you are going to hurt her, because you have thought this through so fully and completely that she will feel safe and truly cared for.

I want you to be mature enough so that if she says “stop” or “no” or “I changed my mind” that you will be able to do just that.


Because dear sons, no means NO. each and every time you hear it.

And for the record, Girls do not say “NO” with their mouth and “YES” with their eyes.

That is complete and utter bull shit.

I want you to always remember that.


If you take only one thing from this letter…ok two things;


I want you not be be concerned about getting her pregnant or either one of you getting an STD, because you already have protection.

You must have protection for both pregnancy and STD’s

This is YOUR job.
It is your responsibility to protect your self.

My dear children, you all have so much to offer, you are kind and loving, you care deeply and you are growing in to amazing human beings,
I believe in you all of you and that you are worth waiting for.

Really, you are.

And yes, sex is worth waiting for.

The thing is kids, you may regret having sex with someone.

But you will never, NEVER, ever regret not having sex.

I promise.

There are many reasons to have sex:


*It is fun

*To feel close

*To bond with a lover

*To be completely connected with him/her

*It feels good.

The list goes on and on.

And there are many reasons NOT to have sex they are, but not limited to;

*Pressure from your boy friend/girl friend or peers

*Cuz you are scared he/she will break up with you if you don’t.

*Cuz all your friends have. ( hardly ever true)

*You do not feel ready, in body, heart, emotionally and spiritually.

*To “prove” to him that you love him/her

we interrupt this letter to give you important information:

***you can get Human Papillomavirus. (HPV) this is the most common STD kids 50% FIFTY PERCENT of sexually active people get HPV sometime in their lives. That is one in two.****

And kids, a condom does not always prevent HPV. So that is a very very good reason to wait.

Dear Children, I am not asking you to stay virgins till your wedding night.

I am not even saying that you have to be married to have sex.

Hell no, I am not saying that.

Although I can tell you that married sex and love making is the very best. It really truly is.

I do not even think that you have to love that person

**I would however like you to love the first one**

I do think you must LOVE YOURSELF.

You must know yourself.
Feel good about who you are
Who you are becoming.

Most teens do not know them selves
Most do not love them selves;
Most do not feel good about their bodies.

So sweet ones, I do trust you to make the right choices.

But I want you to wait for this…

It is worth the wait…really.

That being all said..I want you to be safe. SAFE and that means using a condom.

Every. Single. Time.
Every. Single. Time.
Every. Single. Time.

With oral sex too.

Yes oral sex is SEX.

And boys, if a girl gives you oral sex, return the favor (safely)
It is only fair and right, love making is a two way street.

Last thing, if you can not talk to me or your dad, find some one you can talk to.

We have lots a good friends at church who will help you be safe if you are going to have sex.

You can also call your Aunts.

You are lucky to have some really cool, down to earth, adults in your life. Who love you ..use them.

I love you so much.


For the sake of simplicity i have assumed that you will love someone of the opposite gender but just for this letter…i do not care and nether does your dad who you love as long as you love freely and fully. but know this: my advice and my wishes are the same whether you identify as a heterosexual or as LGBTQ…


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