49


so, today is my birthday.
i am 49
that means that next year i will be 50
50
FIFTY. YEARS. OLD.
my parents did not live long enough to see me turn 50.
both died of lung cancer.
my dad was 70 when he died
my mom was 71
dad started smoking at 12, i think.
mom did stop smoking when i was young, but she lived with a smoker her whole adult life.
mom had me in her 20s.
she should have seen me turn 50.
damn.

my hope and prayer is that i live to see my children turn 50.
who knows? it could happen.
i will be 92 when the Woman-cub turns 50.
so. yeah.
fifty

bad mommy


well, i suck at following though with the momma threats.
some back-story:
Man-cub 13 sleeps like the dead. it takes a an act of congress to get the boy up and out of bed. really. i wish i could just go in, turn on the lights and bang on a metal trash can. but alas, Man-cub 15 does not need to wake up for another 30 min. and i do not want to wake him up.
a typical morning:
7:15 mother gets up, pee.
7:20 wake up the Woman-cub 7. 7, gets up. gets bfast. go into the boy’s room rub 13’s back, say “its time to wake” up the MC-13 he grunts or says “imsotired”
7:25: feed WC-7.
7:30: mother go into boys room, rub 13s back more vigorously say: “time to wake up MC-13″
7:35 repeat
7:40 repeat
7:45 repeat
7:50 MC-13 crawls out of room, wrapped in covers. goes to couch. mother brings bfast to MC-13 who is now asleep on the couch.
7:55 mother tells MC-13 to finish the frosted flakes, get dressed.
7:00 repeat whilst putting school stuff in backpack
7:05 repeat standing by door either with coffee or key’s depending on if i have drop off car pool or not
7:09 repeat
7:10 13 and WC-7 in-car either the moms or car pool
7:15 (or 7:30) mom wishes she had something stronger than coffee.
FTR, the MC-13 is in bed by 9:30 or 10:30.
this morning, everything was as it always is. only this time. i told him to hurry up, and he did not.( well that part is the same) car pool needed to leave a little early, and AGAIN he does not. i told him that he had 5 min to get dressed.
this morning, i told him that he needed to hurry, that CP would not wait for him and, if he missed CP he would be talking the bus to school.
7:20 mom text-ed MC-13’s teacher to tell her that 13 will be late to school
CP arrives 13 is STILL IN HIS PAJAMAS.
Mom tells 13 he is taking the bus, and look how nice i am i found out how to do it.
MC-13 loses. his. shit. the ugly cry. bla bla bla
“mommy, i don’t know how to do it mommy.”
“pllleeeeeHICUPaaaassssseeeeHICUPmommmy”
mom lets this go on for a while, does not back down, even starts to walk MC-13 to the bus stop.
then she chickens out and takes MC-13 to school. but she drives via the bus route so that he knows how to take the bus to school. i told him that next time, he knows how to take the bus
UGG! i wanted to follow though! I DID!! i wanted him to take the damn bus and to be sobbing his eyes out the whole way.
i. COULD. NOT. DO. IT.
it is hard to be a mom.
sometimes i am very very good at it.
sometimes not so much.
today it was a bit of both, i think.
advice gratefully accepted.

yup, i am begging!


hey there! please allow me to invite you to
the class of 2015 8th grade tip go fund me page:
http://www.gofundme.com/fndps4
we are raising money to send the class rock climbing with Outward Bound.
We need the help, most of the families in the class are just getting by, the 8th grade trip is an important right of passage for them and to be honest, the cost is prohibitive to most of us.
as a class we are doing many MANY things to raise the money, this is just one part.
I thank you in advance for your support. really thanks! every little bit counts.

OH! and please, would you share the Page with everyone you know? yup, spam the shit out of them!

enchantment stew.


we start with the tears of a tantra-ming merchant marine,
dragon scales , spider eyes, tongue of sassy teen;
i like to add some re-fried beans.
elephant boogers, yes they are big!
left over pizza, the toe of a pig.

earwax from monkeys, snot from a bird.
i know that this sounds really absurd!
but we need some spinach, please eat your greens!
peas and carrots, old dusty jeans.

i add horn of jackalope, yes they are real!
i like to toss in an orange, leave on the peel.
armadillo guts, the little and the big, is what we need next,
hay wait! here is someones ap-pen-dex!

my brothers smelly socks from home,
oh! and i forgot this, some coffee from rome.
now we need blood from a lizard, barf from a bee,
cheese from my moms fridge, and a jabberwalky knee.
fur of bat, tail of possum,
some garlic, some salt. pepper to taste.

bacon! thats right! makes everything great!
the snout of a goat, lice fingertips
(i would add thumb) cuz lice and nits are supper supper dumb
i like them with ranch. but some like goose plum
it tastes just like chicken if you add the right dip

for sweetness, chocolate chips
the sweet smell of baby head.
fresh clean sheets on my bed

kitty cat mews and puppy dog
bark. the sounds of a child’s
laughter in a park.

twinkies, donuts and candied apples,
orieos work too!
organic agave for those who whooo!

finely, mermaid hair for color.
marigolds work also.
try some beak of a duck
(that brings good luck!)
and maybe some ginger, really, anything thats gold.
now let the magic unfold.