an open letter.


dear reader,
i need to share something with you. it is not a secret that i am a woman of liberal religious faith. the words “liberal religious faith” are loaded ones. i would not even begin to aquatically define them. i am just not articulate enough. not to mention that they mean different things to different people. ask ten people what it means and you will get ten different answers.
for me, it is very simple really. i love. period. but in these last few months as america and the wider world begin to recognize and even legislate “gay marriage” or what most just call, “marriage equality” i realize that i have not been the alli to my lgbtqq friends that i should have been, yes, i like and share posts and mems that support it. my profile picture has, more than a few times been rainbow and or an equal sign. i have a rainbow sticker on my car and i vote for candidates who support marriage equality. i go to pride when i can go. i participate in protests and walks and i boycott places that discriminate against lgbtqq.
but it is not enough. not nearly enough.
a story:
years ago, back when i identified as a born again, evangelical and conservative christain, i had a friend who was gay. his name was johny, though now that i think about it, he did not spell his name like that. he loved g*d so much, loved jesus, he had a heart of gold and for the lord. he could sing, really sing, in fact he had been at one time a back up singer for donna summer. he was such a great person, i loved him. but, he was gay. and my girlfriends and i knew it. we prayed that he would be “healed” i remember one time when we had a small get together, when he sat on a chair we surround him and prayed that the demons of homosexuality would release him “in jesus name” he wanted to be “free” he did! he wanted to be loved and excepted by the father, and us.
if i could go back that night, i would stop the prayer. and i would look him in the eyes and remind him that of this scripture
Psalm 139:14-16 (the message)
oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
i thank you, high god—you’re breathtaking!
body and soul, i am marvelously made!
i worship in adoration—what a creation!
you know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
you know exactly how i was made, bit by bit,
how i was sculpted from nothing into something.
like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
the days of my life all prepared
before i’d even lived one day.
i would remind him that g*d does not make mistakes, that g*d knows him better then he does. i would tell him that in my mind he was perfect just as he was. period. that who he loved did not matter to me. i would tell him that if homosexuality really matters to g*d then the bible would have more than 6 or 7 scriptures about it.
i would tell him that jesus spoke not a word about being gay. i would tell him that in the bible, the word is love is mentioned more than 500 times close to 700 times depending on which version of it you are reading. In the king james version, it’s mentioned 508 in the old testament and 697 in the new testament.
if i could talk to him now, i would ask his forgiveness for not fully embracing who he was. i would hold him close and just love him. i would tell him a truth about me, that i was and still am bisexual. yes, i married a man, but i could have just as easily fallen in love with a women. that on my hearts list of what i was looking for in a life partner, the gender of that person was not on it. and that was something about me that i had known since i was young. i had a crush on both steve austin and jamie summers! i have loved men and women.
i know gay and lesbian couples who have been together, 30, 40, 50 years, their relationships are not all about sex. whose really is? do you, in your hetro marriage really just have intercourse? missionary style even? marriage is about sharing your lives together, it is about rearing children. paying taxes. it is about loving each other, though sickness and health, though poverty and wealth, in good times and in bad for as long as you both shall live! just like anyone, lgbtqq deserve to be seen as a family in the eyes of the government as well as the church.
if you really think that being lgbtqq is a choice, then ask the 1 in 5 gay or lesbian teens who attempt suicide each year, ask your self then why would someone put them selves though the bullying, from their church? their school? their family? do you really think that they are just not praying enough? really?

let me just share with you some stats:

has the loss of so many children not broken your very heart? how many have to die before you realize that a person who is gay or lesbian is at the very core of who they are? it needs to stop now. right now.
i love and respect too many lgbtqq peoples not to stand up and shout the truth, they are good and wonderful and loving and great parents and truly good human beings who g*d loves.
when jesus died on the cross that day on calvary, he said
“it is finished” i believe that what he meant by that is that we are all saved by his grace, he came into the world to save us from the law. and he gave us 3 new ones
love g*d
love your neighbor
do unto others what you would want done unto you.
that is the new law, people. that is the law that i will follow until my very last breath.
you may be asking, so what is your point blueberry?
my point is this:
*i will support and champion for my lgbtqq siblings.
*i will stand up to the bully who would deny them basic human rights.
*i will look you in the eye and tell you that you are wrong for using the bible (or any holy book for that matter) as a weapon to bully any one who is different or who you may think is “less than.”
*i will not accept your using your “faith” to give you permission to deny 10% (closer to 15 or 20) of the population because some book written nearly 1000 years ago says so.
*i will remove myself from your life, be it facebook or otherwise if you post any inflammatory comments about lgbtqq peoples.
*i will no longer attend or support your church if you are not a open and affirming faith.
*i will fight for marriage equality here in oregon and support in anyway i can for it, in america and the wider world.
*i will be an alli for my lgbtqq siblings in other countries that would criminalize who they are, and for who they love, like russia and uganda.
*i will consider those who would fight and bully my lgbtqq siblings my enemy, more so if you use your religion as a tool to marginalize them.
and if you do not like that, if you can not stand with me. then, i invite you to walk away from me. please.
i do not know what will happen when i die. but if i do stand before g*d in judgement. at that time i would like to hope that i will stand proud with my head held high, and say to the divine, “yes holy one, i chose love. and if my stance for equality is a huge big sin punishable by death in the lake of fire, (unlikely as i do not believe in hell as a place) it will be worth it, because i followed my conscience, that was given to be by g*d
this i believe, is the way of the divine is to stand up for the other and different.
a prayer:
holy one
this was really scary to write, so many of the people i love. really love are not allies. and i may lose them.
i ask lord, that you protect my heart and theirs.
more so, i ask that people take this opportunity to become an alli, even though it is different. i know that you were the one who changed my heart, i know that you knew who i was going to be and who i was going to love before i did. and that it was okay.
i pray for the one in five lgbtqq youth who, this very night are considering talking their life because they can not face going to school tomorrow. please divine one, please protect them, please g*d, i beg you to hold them close. love them. bring people into their lives who will support and defend and love them. please, show all your followers the way of love.

amen, ashe` and may it be so

it is good to share, be my guest!

It was the Women.

       I often think of Mariam, the mother of Jesus, Mary of Magdalen and the other woman who were among the disciples of Christ. we know that there were at least 7, maybe more, names we know of were:
Mary of Magdalene
Mary or Mariam the mother of Jesus
Mary Salome
Martha, sister of Lazarus
Miriamne, sister of Phillip
and Susanna or Joanne.
The thing that I am most stuck by, is that on the day that Christ was Crucified, it was the woman who stood by and bore witness to his torture and death. John 19:25-26 says: But standing by the cross of Jesus were His mother, and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved, John (my addition) standing nearby, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!”
       The other disciples bailed. all of them, they ran for the hills! I do not know if they watched him being unfairly judged, I do not know if they were there when he was whipped by the cat of nine tails, that literally tore the flesh off his torso. or when they put the crown of thorns upon his head. but the woman were.
I think if the woman had been with him in the Garden of Gethsemane, they would have stayed awake and prayed with him.
I think I remember reading somewhere that he was unrecognizable after his beatings and torture. That he did not even look human, Can you even fathom watching that being done to your child? could you watch? Meriam did. When he died that Friday afternoon on Golghtha or Calvery, also known as the Place of the Skull. It was the three women, and John, who took down his body and lay him in a borrowed grave, without doing any of the ritual that needed to be done for a Jewish burial nothing. (remember? he was not a Christian, he was, a Jew.) Then they rolled a stone in front of the grave.
They could not break the sabbath as they were being watched very closely. So they left him there, went back to the house or compound where they were staying. and observed the sabbath. I once asked a Rabbi if the Jews sat Shiva in those days, he was not sure, but he personally thought that they did. If indeed the Jews of that day sat Shiva, the disciples, his students, his family and loved one were not able to fully fall in to that sacred Shiva place.
I think about the woman. When they went back “home” and had to face the disciples who had bailed. Were the men even there? Did they come home to a dark empty house? Did it match how their hearts felt? If they were there, did they expect the woman folk to feed them? I bet that those woman gave them an earful when they did finely see them.
I think, that night, that they either fell asleep when their heads hit the pillow, or worse, they lay in bed unable to remove the horror that they had witness from their minds eye. or if they slept it was fitful and full of nightmares. I think about that Saturday, just. waiting.
Or maybe they shut the house up so they could in secret, prepare the elements needed for the burial ritual. Mariam already had two of them remember? Luke 2:7 And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. Matt 2:11 And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshiped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense and myrrh. The gold was given to Kings. Frankincense was given to worship the King. And Myrrh, was used to prepare the dead for burial as were the swaddling clothes.
       Did Mariam keep some of the swaddling clothes her son was wrapped when he was born? Did she keep the Myrrh? Who knows? I think on that Saturday, the woman sat in a circle and tore linen cloths to wrap their Lord in. So the woman prepared the spices including the myrrh. I wonder if they slept at all that night? You know how when you know you have to get up at zero dark thirty and so you can’t really sleep, how you keep waking up because you KNOW you can not really sleep cuz what if you do not wake up in time!
I wonder, if the women stood at the door waiting, for the right time to go and prepare their Lord. Their friend and teacher and son, did they have in their arms all that was needed? was as it heavy? Lets look at this for a sec, he had been dead for 3 days, he was beaten beyond recognition. He stank. He would have been in a state rigor mortis. body fluids would be everywhere, I can not really even fathom what they faced. But they knew and went anyway.
I imagine them walking to the tomb, their body and souls heavy with grief and fear and anger and fatigue, with dark circles under their eyes, still swollen from all the tears? or were they were they just utterly and completely numb. Did they speak? Did one of them ask “How the hell are we going to roll away that stone?” Did they even need to speak? Was it a long walk? To top it off, there was an earthquake, we do not know how big it was, but we do know it was big enough to be really scary.
They get to the tomb. The stone had been rolled away. One of the Gospels says that when the woman arrived there was a man on top of the tomb. Mary thought it was a Gardner. Mary goes in sees only the rags folded. Jesus was not there. The story goes on to say that she went over to the “Gardner” (we know he is Jesus, but she does not) and says to him, “Do you know where they have taken my lord?” The man responds “Who? that guy, Jesus?” Now, i can just see him, Jesus, he was a bit of a smart ass, sitting there, tossing twigs in to a pond or something. and she asks again. through her tears and anger, fear, grief, exhaustion, I bet she was not very “polite” “DO. YOU. KNOW. WHERE. THEY. HAVE. TAKEN. MY. LORD!? Because, if you tell me, I WILL. GO. AND. GET. HIM.” like a mother working very hard not to cuss out her kid. At that point, Jesus says one word. “Mary” i wonder, how did he say it? was it,
“MARY!” exasperated that she did not recognize him.
or did he say it in a soft loving voice that he kept just for her? “oh, Mary”
I like to think the later. because she recognizes him and goes to hug him. But he stops her and tells her she can not, because he had not yet “ascended to the Father.”

It was the woman. Who stood by him while he was being executed.

It was the woman and John who took him down from the cross and lay him in the borrowed tomb.

It was the woman, who waited for the safe time to go prepare him for burial. after 3 days in the heat of Jerusalem.
It was the woman who saw him first.
That means something, don’t you think?

My Scary Dream.

last night i had a nightmare.
in my dream, i was in bed. in a fetal position with my hands clutched together.
i was awake in my dream.
but i could not move.
i could not communicate, or open my eyes.
i was utterly and completely trapped in my body.
it was not sleep paralysis, i have had that before,  where you area awake, but your body is still asleep. that was NOT my dream.
i cried out, The Head  and Princess woke me up. HA! you should have seen their faces.
but i learned something from my nightmare. it made me think of what it would be like to be paralysed, in a chronic vegetative state, have a stroke, be at the end stages of ALS or MS.
there is a term for it:
Locked in syndrome
check out the wikki:


only in my dream, i was also blind.
when i woke up later i told The Head about my dream.
i made him promise~ pinky~swear that if i ever EVER was in such a state, that he would let me go.
and i him.
shit, that reminds me. we should get our advance directive and living wills done and put in a safe place.
you should too.


what scary dreams have you had that made you do something in your life differently?



I have more to say.

I have more to say:
I sit here in our teeny tiny apartment
drinking a Coke-A-Cola.
I am a drinker of Coke.
(regular, not diet. diet is poison but that is a different post)
I like Iced Tea also. but I digress
So yesterday Facebook and Twitter were all a buzz about the death of
Philip Seymour Hoffman and how he died. My last blog post was about the whole thing. check it out:

But there was another thing that got the WWW’s panties all in a knot.

Coke-A-Cola made this commercial for the super bowl.
here it is, watch it.
Have a tissue at the ready!

Don’t you think it is just lovely?

Most of the people I know, thought it was a lovely commercial. And they provided
so much support for the the fact that we are a people that is so diverse!
Faith Traditions, Ethically, some families have two daddies! the list go on and on.

What broke my heart about this, was reading a post  from some one I respect and love. who has a sweet,generous and Lovely spirit who loves G*d
I responded to the post. and she took it down. and told me:
“We are a nation of diverse immigrants and I celebrate that.”

But I think G*d wants me to say more, so here it is.

First, I think it very important to remind you all that”America the Beautiful” is an Hymn. composed The lyrics were written by KatherineLee Bates, ( who was thought to be a lesbian, as she lived for 20 some years with Katharine Coman,) and the music was composed by church organist and choirmaster Samuel A. Ward.

Bates originally wrote the words as a poem, Pikes Peak, first published in the Fourth of July edition of the church periodical The Congregationalist in 1895. At that time, the poem was titled America for publication.

The above was total jacked from wikki! love wikki.

So this begs the question:

We are only allowed to sing certain hymns in English because the word American is in it? I read this on facebook;
” It’s other-cultural hatred? “
“It’s fear and paranoia, if you ask me. They fear their long-held “white superiority” is being taken away”. B. S. Jackson

The Star Spangled Banner however is INDEED the National Anthem
it is a song about WAR. how sweet.

More wikki plagiarism:
“The Star-Spangled Banner” is the national anthem of the United States. The lyrics come from “Defense of Fort M’Henry”,[1] a poem written in 1814 by the 35-year-old lawyer and amateur poet, Francis Scott Key, after witnessing the bombardment of Fort McHenry by the British Royal Navy ships in Chesapeake Bay during the Battle of Fort McHenry in the War of 1812. Key was BTW Pro-Slavery.

A little more:  Key went on to write several more hymn,
He  fought for Slavery and wrote a poem about war making seen like a beautiful sunset.
We are a county of many nations.
More Wikki Plagiarism:
These are approximate, BTW.
Number of languages spoken in the U.S.: 311.
Those languages indigenous to the U.S: 162
Those that are immigrant languages: 149
There are 14 million households in the United States where English is not the primary language.
So why can we NOT have a sung by many languages?
I will answer that.

It really is okay to sing songs in other language.
Because. we are all human.
That is the bottom line. We should not have to have a commercial to teach us this.

A Prayer:
Oh Lord.
Help us.
Help us be tolerant
Help us with our own
intolerant of intolerance.
Wait, NO, do not help us with our
intolerant of intolerance
Teach us how to deal with


Help us teach our children.
Mary Travers once said:
“If you want to teach the world not to hate the different; the other; then you must first start with the children”
Please help us teach our children
to more that just tolerate, but to
AFFERM people who are different
no matter what name they when referring to you, G*d.
Help us to teach that the fact we have over 300 languages spoken here in the US is something to be proud of.

Amen and May it Be SO.